yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Someone shattered a urinal.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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