So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
