if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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