I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
