i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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