Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
