my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
