She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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