I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
