my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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