omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize