Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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