i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
A+ Viking dick
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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