Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
