my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We left the knife in your bed.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
