Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
