ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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