sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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