I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
