Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
