Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
