Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
