My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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