Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
