If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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