She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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