halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he fucked my hip out of place.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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