What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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