We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Come see our sink grown plant.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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