genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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