I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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