i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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