Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
