i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You made out with two different species that night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
