There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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