90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
