I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Boobs speak an international language.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
