I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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