You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
