I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
