So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
