im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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