Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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