It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
