Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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