wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
