The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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