I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
