The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
