The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
