i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
