Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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