i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize