Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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