im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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