just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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