Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
