so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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