Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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