this beer tastes like vomit already
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the liver wants what the liver wants
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
