Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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