First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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