He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
