Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
