1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
