evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize