By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
