in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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