I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
