Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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