guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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