I'm eating all of the evidence.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
