He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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