i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
