I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
