8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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