Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
