Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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