ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
