It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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