y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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