all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
