I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
